Failure by Design

[E S H E ;]

This is a lesson in procrastination

It was a cool morning, even for a summer day. The alabaster sphere in the heavens was still up in the heavens, but it was staring to thin. The land looked like a pale indigo. It was in the early hours and mist was still settling around her. It was quiet, but not too quiet. Just quiet enough. She was a crimson bay, Thoroughbred was her linage. Her pistons moved with a certain spring, her flint hard daggers didn't make any sound as she padded over the flooded ground. Autumn was around the corner, it was the clove of seasons. Soft huff emitted from her cage as she halted. Apex lifted into the heavens. Who am I? That question had been ringing in her mind for the last few days. Well, who was she? She certainly wasn't malevolent, but she wasn't prissy and goody goody either. She had a dark side to herself, would kill when needed, she had loved her mother. . . did she have to choose? Couldn't she just be . . . be . . . an it? Wasn't that what she had been before? An it. That is why had she had left. Okay, maybe she was an it after all. Pools closed and opened. But now the most important thing was to belong, something she had never done. She had lived here all her life, never had she had any equine contact besides her mothers. Yeah, that did sound kind of strange but oh well, she was a strange equine, she knew that, that deep down, and she was truly different. Apex turned from left to right as she occupied herself with little pointless games. Anything from leaning over on her nape and brushing her plush over the loam or flashing her whipcord against her pillars and see how fast it could go. Stuff like that, it was very stupid. She knew it. Oh, how embarrassed she would be if anyone saw her. Dusk was draining quickly as she moved across the lithosphere. Her destination: anywhere. Ivorns gritted for the simple pleasure of doing something. She rolled her nape to the side and gaped a little. Hind piston slowly rose up as she kicked out underneath her barrel. Boredom. Eshe knew she was being pathetic, but she always had to have something to do. Rarely did she just layback and think. Think . . . logic . . . it usually went together, she wasn't that logical. She was superstitious too. Eshe had her own philosophy of how the world came to be on this planet and why everything was the way it was. Well, everything happens for a reason, right? No, not insincerely. Apex was tossed as she crow hopped and kicked out to her left like a cow.


Suddenly, she stopped. Disgusted with her own deportment. How could she act like this? So . . . so . . . immature! It made her sink inside. Her self-esteem that already wasn’t that high was begging to plummet into the deaths that she had never dreamed of. She needed help. Then, she began to feel differently, she wanted to play. When she had been younger she had hated being small. She had wanted to grow up as fast as she could. She had hated not having any say in what went on in her life or anything like that. now, she was sadly mistaken. Suddenly right here in LOR she noticed how stupid she had been. Soft snort emitted from her nares as she thought about it. As a smaller creature, she had been able to play and get away with things, now . . . she had responsibility. Maybe others had made decisions for her but she at least been able to have fun. Those had been the best days of her life and would be. Now she stood here in the now Neutral grounds, her fate so far hanging into the hands of the newer equines. Maybe she didn't have a choice in life, oh, how she wished to be a foal right now. She wanted to be able to dance the night away, play, and sleep during the day. Watch the stars at night to her hearts content and do daring tasks like running through Satanist lithosphere and seeing who could go in furthest. Everybody would waste it all to just be the medal winner. How stupid. Suddenly, she didn't want to be standing here, she wanted to be young once more. But, here she was, standing, waiting, and wondering. She looked dumbstruck. Barrel expanded and contracted as she inhaled and exhaled. Eshe heaved a sigh. This was her life in a nutshell. Pathetic, she knew. She couldn’t take it anymore. Without warning, the bruja bolted foreword. Her pistons stretched out for more level loam. She ran and ran and ran. Sides began to lather with perspiration as she came down to a two-beat. The sun was starting to peak over the horizon. Damn the sun. Finally, she just collapsed. She was sick of being mad at the world. It never worked. Equines were starting to trickle into her land. It hurt, inside. Why was mother nature crushing her like this? It hurt. It hurt so bad. A sting of pride struck her heart. Her pistons began to stop churning as fast. Hocks locked into place as she skidded to a halt. Nares flared as sher sides heaved from her run. Auds flickered bck and fro. She gaped and shook her dial. Not Rindles . . . not Rindles. It wouldn’t be taken over, it couldn’t be. It was hers, all hers. Whipcord slashed from side to side. She’d give these new equines no respect, none at all. She only bowed to Mother Nature. Dial rose as she looked up into the heavens. Why do you do this to me?, she asked. Her pools cried out for an answer, but as always, Mother Nature didn’t answer. A soft whisp of summer wind blew across the loam. It lifted and began to tangle and play with her soft silken tresses. It was conforting.

Thank you Mother Nature…

Murmmered Eshe. Pools closed half way, never was she to think of Mother Nature in vain. Eshe turned her bodice around. Mother Nature, I’m alone. Send me a sign of something, something that shows that I’m not the only one who feels this way . . . And that’s how she left it. She didn’t continue questioning Mother Nature. She’d let her be, after all, she didn’tn eed to concentrate of her so much. Her dial came down to her withers height as she began to skrit over the barren terrain. She’d taken this walk amny times before, this time was the first time though, that she was using it as an escape. But there was no escape, the intruders were coming, and Eshe couldn’t stop it.

I'm scared I'll get scared